


Not Jealous

by That_Jett_Kid



Series: CGLRE-Hamilton [4]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: ? kinda, Age Regression/De-Aging, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety Attacks, CGLRE, Caregiver! Lafayette, Diapers, Fluff, Genderqueer Character, Infantilism, Little!Alex, Multi, Non-Sexual Age Play, Polyamory, adorable little shits, caregiver!Hercules, caregiver!john, cglre-hamilton, focusing on John and Alex, idk - Freeform, non-binary Lafayette, poly! hamilsquad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-21
Updated: 2017-03-21
Packaged: 2018-10-08 19:48:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10394742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/That_Jett_Kid/pseuds/That_Jett_Kid
Summary: John wouldn't describe himself as the jealous type. Jealousy just didn't have room in his four way relationship, so how come everytime he see's Laf', Herc' and little Alex all together, his heart sinks?





	

 

John wouldn’t describe himself as the jealous type. Jealousy would make being in poly-quad relationship rather difficult, of course just like any other regular human he sometimes felt as if he was out of place or needed some extra reassuring; that was normal and with open communication these feelings often left as quickly as they came.

So _no_ , John wasn’t the jealous type. So how come every time he watched Herc’ and Laf’ cuddle and interact with Alex in little space he felt a weight in his chest, as if he had been swallowing rocks? It wasn’t jealousy; John knew that, it was something else entirely. He wasn’t angry or sad even, the sight of Alexander so carefree and happy always warmed his heart, and Laf’ and Herc’ giggling like idiots as they doted on him was fucking adorable, and yet despite _his_ happiness over his partners happiness, there was that weight.

He was sketching in one of his many journals, not planning anything in-particular, just letting his hand flow naturally as his mind wandered. He knew he should probably bring this feeling up with the group but it seemed redundant if he wasn’t even sure what he was feeling.

So lost in thought he didn’t notice Lafayette watching him sketch from over his shoulder until they spoke quietly. 

“That is very good mon chou.”

For the first time John registered what he was drawing, three figures, clearly Laf’, Herc’ and Alex, sat together under a tree. Alex had a pacifier in his mouth and Herc’ seemed to be reading a picture book of some kind to him as Laf’ smiled contently with their arms wrapped around the little. 

“You are not in the drawing?” No- it seemed John wasn’t, in fact if the drawing was from someone’s eyes, they were standing a distance away from the trio, seeing but unable to interact. 

“John, mon amour, are you okay?” Their hand gently held his, thumb brushing against his knuckles. John looked up away from the drawing, at Lafayette’s face, their eyebrows farrowed in worry, _why?_

A tear dripped over Johns lip, _oh, that's why_.

 

John hadn’t registered he was crying nor his hands shaking, he was searching for the words to say but came up blank, so he just continued to look at Laf’ almost blankly, but not quite.

With the softest touch, Lafayette lead John away from the kitchen bench and into the spare bedroom (Alex was working in the main bedroom) They didn’t expect john to speak or do anything, they just sat him down on the bed and held his hand, waiting for him to regain his composure and be able to string words together. 

John wasn’t sure what he was feeling- or not feeling. Everything just felt unreal, as if the only thing keeping him from floating away was Lafayette’s hand holding his. Lafayette was always good on picking up on how others in the group were feeling, they had decided long ago that as the psychologist in training that it was practically their duty to do so. It wasn’t John was anxious, let alone having an anxiety attack of some kind. He was usually so cheerful, the dreamer of the group… what could be troubling him so?

 

“I’m sorry.”

“Non, non,non, non. John you do not need to be sorry for whatever it is upsetting you.”

“I’m not even 100% sure what’s upsetting me.” He suddenly felt heavy, leant against Laf’ who wrapped their arm around him. 

“Have a go at wording it, you may surprise yourself.”

John let out dry laugh, “How much for the session Dr Lafayette?” They simply raised an eyebrow at the comment, smiled curving on their lips, waiting for John to open up. 

“I-I just, I don’t know…” A pause, “You and Herc have a place in Alex’s littlespace, you're the emotional centre, Hec’s the big protector. What am I? You guys have you’re little family and I’m left to be an extra set of hands when you guys are too busy being cute.” Before he had no idea what he was feeling and now everything came out at once, like a flood after the drought.

“Don’t get me wrong, I love you all so much. And I’m not even jealous because watching you three makes me so happy and Alex is so much more relaxed now, and god that's so amazing. I just feel out of place I think, but don’t go trying to change the whole dynamic because of me; I’ll figure something out, I’ll be fine.”

Wrapping their arms around him, Lafayette petted his hair and began to whisper things in French that John couldn’t understand. But the tone was soft and sweet so John had a vague idea what they were saying.

Laf’ honestly felt terrible, they had no idea that John felt this way and now that he spelled it out it was so apparent. _How could they be so blind?_

They could of stayed like that for hours, john leaning against Laf’s chest, their heart beating against his ear. But as Hercules walked through the front door, calling out to see who was home; the two separated, Laf took their thumbs and ran it under John’s puffy eyes.

 

“There is always a spot for you, mon amour.”

 

~~

 

It had been a few days since Lafayette and John’s discussion, and they hadn’t pushed the subject. Alex, the workaholic with a death wish, hadn’t been in little space for around two weeks, and the three caregivers were waiting for the explosion. Alex, while better than he once was, still insisted on constantly writing and working. Unless attending a class he was bound to be sitting somewhere in the apartment, eyes dark, typing as if his life depended on it.

“Will you two be okay?” Herc asked, looking behind John at Alex who sat on the couch muttering under his breath as he wrote. 

“Yeah, we’ll be fine Herc’. You two enjoy your date!” John wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and Laf’ who laughed rather loudly, hugging against Herc’s arm.

“I’m sure we will~” They purred.

While the four would mostly go on dates and outings all together, occasionally they would little dates where only two would go out. It was a way to mix things up and allow everyone time to have one on one time as they needed.

 

Sighing, John sat beside Alex, who made no sign of noticing him. He rolled his eyes and glanced over at what he was typing.

  _‘Through use of tiring effort and attempts of negotiation the three corporate children and fire shall work and try to get through succeeds and the sun and run the cat is …’_

John raised an eyebrow at Alex who just continued to type. This was gibberish? Yes it was true that John didn’t know much about legal studies or anything of the sort, but he _knew_ that this made no sense.

“Alex, _sweetie_?”

 No response.

John placed his hand on top the lap top screen, slowly began pushing down. Alex jolted, looking up at John horrified.

 “NO! gotta keep working I gotta-“

“Alex, no. You need to take a break.” John rose of the couch, pulling the laptop out of Alex’s grip and raising it above his reach, quickly saved the document before shutting the laptop.

 

Alex began to so sob, tears falling. He tried to argue between sobs, although he could only get incoherent words out as he reached out to the laptop. John placed the laptop on one of the higher shelves.

“Sh-sh-sh-sh I know baby, I'm a meanie, I know, it's okay.” John cooed sympathetically as he turned towards the crying little. Everyone was well aware of Alex’s fear of not being good enough and in turn failing his classes. They believed this was where the compulsive writing stemmed from and they were all doing as much as they could to help him, and sometimes that meant physically taking away the laptop.

Alex showed no sign of calming, sobbing hysterically to the point John feared he would make himself sick. God how did Lafayette and Hercules manage to calm him? John had never been one on one with Alex, he always had back up! God no wonder he felt so out of place he was terrible at this- Alex reached out, making grabby hands at John, tears and snot running down his face. Without hesitation John scooped him up and sat down on the loveseat, rocking Alex ever so slightly as he rubbed his back.

"Do you want me to call Doudou? Or Dada? They won't mind if you want them to come back."

Alex grunted, he still cried but it was beginning to lesson as he pressed himself against John.  

"No?" 

Another grunt. 

"I can't help you if you don't tell me what you want, use your big boy words pleasseeee, for me?" 

Another grunt came the response, but Alex shifted his head a little so he wasn't talking directly into Johns chest. "Want Papa." 

"Who?" 

"PAPA!" 

Who the hell was- wait a second...

"Me?" 

A grunt of confirmation. 

John wasn't sure if he was ecstatic or amused, most likely a mix of both. Of course he was Papa, he only wondered if Alex had chosen the title with the Pizza chain in mind? He would be lying if he didn't feel the glow of pride flow under his skin; Alex wanted him, not Laf', not Herc'. _John._

Alex began to quieten, his head tucked into the crook in John's neck, tired himself out. Smiling warmly, John rose of the couch, grunting as he adjusted to Alex’s weight before he walked over to the spare room in which they kept Alex’s little space things. How did Herc’ and Laf’ make it seem too easy when they carried Alex everywhere? It wasn’t as if John couldn’t do it, but that didn’t mean it was a little more difficult than he anticipated.

Plopping Alex on the bed John pulled a face at the little, invoking a small giggle and a silly face in return. John shuffled through the little clothing options (“How about the lion onesie? Or maybe your fluffy pj’s? Onesie? Yeah I though so.”) Threw a couple stuffed animals out the door and into the living room, and popped a paci in Alex’s mouth before picking him up again walking over to the kitchen.

 

John knew he couldn’t prepare Alex’s food with him on his hip like Laf’ could and he couldn’t quite lift Alex enough to place him on the high-level bench top like Herc’. Sighing he backtracked and placed Alex on the loveseat, and grabbed a stuffed puppy and handed into to Alex who smiled in gratitude.

“I’m gonna make you a bottle now little dude, okay?” John was expecting an answer nor did he get one, he just felt he needed to say something before walking out of Alex’s line of sight into the kitchen.

 

He was often the one making the bottles as Laf and Herc’ would ask him to while they were doing something with Alex, so he was able to get it done in only a few minutes, mixing up a warm meal replacement shake and pouring it into the adult sized bottle.

 When he came back Alex was laying across the loveseat and sniffling quietly.

“Here we go little dude.” Alex sat up looking at John, with something almost like fear in his eyes, he then promptly burst into tears, wailing and reaching out to John. “Sh-sh-sh-sh” John cooed, scooping up the baby, bottle forgotten momentarily. “What’s wrong baby boy?” a faint dark stain and the clamminess that he started to notice soaking into his shirt, told him what he needed to know.

 _‘Stupid, stupid, stupid! Cant believe I forgot the diaper!’_ He mentally scolded himself as he began walking back to the ‘room of little stuff’ Alex still sobbing, arms wrapped around his neck.

“It’s okay baby boy~ it was an accident. I forgot how little you are sweetie, it’s all Papa's fault.” He assured as he pulled out the needed supplies and gently detached Alex in order to change him.

 

Throwing the soiled onesie out the door (he would put it in the washing machine later), cleaning up and placing the little in a diaper he pulled out the first clothing he saw (little mermaid P.J’s) and once again wrapped Alex in a gentle hug.

Bouncing him a little as he walked Alex quickly made his way to the main bedroom and peeled of his now dirtied shirt and pulled on his baggy shirt that used to be Hercules. Another round of tears from the little “I-I-I’m Sorryyyy!” he wailed as he buried his head into John neck.

“Its okay baby boy, you don’t gotta be sorry. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

Compared to that the rest of the night was uneventful. John fed Alex his bottle (which had needed to be reheated) and they settled down, watching ‘The Little Mermaid’. Alex had been rather amusing as he watched.

 

The first time Ariel was seen on screen he scanned his P.J’s for a picture of her and pointed excitedly at it (there were many but that was the first one he saw) making a noise from behind the pacifier. He then proceeded to do this with every character and each time John would giggle, his nose crinkling and nod saying something along the lines of “Wow! You’re right! That _is_ Ursula!” Or “WOAH you’re such a clever little dude for finding that fishy!”

 Alex had passed out during ‘Kiss the Girl’ but john kept the movie on, running his fingers through Alex’s hair.

And that's how Lafayette and Hercules found the two when they arrived home, only a little tipsy as they walked through the door.

 

“Awww so cute! I’m guessing he slipped?” Herc asked before kissing John wholeheartedly.

 “Yeah he did, you two had a good time?”

“Oui, it was very much the best.” Lafayette giggled, wobbling a little in their heels.

“I think I’m gonna head to bed with the lil guy, join when you wanna, yeah?” John gingerly rose with Alex in his arms, careful not wake him.

 “We will be there soon, mon chou… Did you have any issues with the petit lion?”

 “Not really, there were a few little bumps but nothing more than usual.” 

“Ah I thought that would be the case.”

“Wait-What? You couldn’t somehow plan this?”

“No, of course not.” Lafayette winked and turned away to dig through the fridge in search of leftovers.

 

John shook his head, chuckling quietly to himself.

**Author's Note:**

> Ayyyye I wrote more.  
> I felt that john hadn't been very prominent in this series so yeah...  
> Comments give me life so PLEASE comment! 
> 
> (AS always if you have any requests/ suggestions please lemme know)


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